There are so many thoughts racing through my head as I think about the beginning of a new year and the end of an old one. Like most people, this is a time of reflection for me. I start to look back and think about all the things that have happened in the last 12 months. I think about how much my life has changed in such a small period of time. I always get emotional about ringing in the new year, imagine that, ME, EMOTIONAL. I usually cry, another big shocker. I don’t know why, but the ending of an old year and the start of a new one always seems to bring some tears. Sometimes I have tears of sadness. Perhaps I’ve endured some hardships, or lost someone that I loved. Or maybe I just get sad thinking about how much my boys have grown up and how each years seems to go by faster than the one before. Along with tears of sorrow I also have tears of joy. I think about how incredibly blessed I’ve been, and I think of all the wonderful things that the past year has brought to me and my family.
It’s hard for me to think that this time last year Jake was 9 months old and that Max was 2.5 years old. Jake was taking his first steps and Max was about to be completely out of diapers. My, how much they’ve changed. I also battled some demons this past year, it’s nothing I particularly care to share, suffice to say I had some difficult times. While I kept these problems to myself for a while, I finally shared my struggles with my husband. Just like the man that he is, he stood by my side and he picked me up when I fell down. Although it’s not fun to deal with difficulties, it has made me stronger and strengthened my marriage. For that I am very thankful. I’m thankful that God has seen me through and it only solidifies my faith in Him.
I have some pretty high hopes for 2011. Lord willing I will graduate with my M.A. in May, which will hopefully open some doors and afford some new opportunities. I hope to become even more connected with my husband and increase our communication. Cale and I have started a notebook wherein we write to each other every few days. It has helped us so much in just the last few weeks to share our inner most thoughts that we often neglect to say aloud. It gives us a clearer glimpse into each others minds and it gives us more opportunities to talk to one another and perhaps bring up a subject that might be difficult to broach otherwise. Cale and I began our relationship by writing and it seems appropriate that during this busy time filled with working, taking care of two small children, and me pursing my masters, that we creatively find ways to continue to work on our marriage. I never want to be one of those couples that just gets too comfortable in their marriage that they just keep doing what they’ve been doing for years and eventually they grow apart and get disconnected. I pray that 2011 is a year of growth and not one of staying in the same place. That also applies to me in general. Like anyone else, I have things that I want to work on. I want to work on my relationship with God. I want to be a more dedicated Christian. I want to read my Bible more, pray more, and share the word of God with more people. I want to talk less and listen more. I want to be more selfless and put others first. I want to visit the sick and help those that are in need. I want to stop sweating the small stuff and not let the pettiness of others upset me so much. I want to accept that there are things that are out of my control and that I cannot fix everything. I want to be confident in the person that I am and remember that being judged by others doesn’t matter because it will be God that will ultimately do the judging. I want to let the word of God transform my life and be more like Christ. I want to stop worrying about what others think and not live to please them, but to please my heavenly Father. I want to speak kind words and lovingly encourage those around me. I want to set the example I should for my children. I want to be more spiritually minded in all that I do. I want to be a better keeper of our home and get things more organized. I want to put the needs of my husband before my own. I want to be completely engaged in my life and enjoy my children at every stage because it passes so quickly. Oh, and I want to lose like 40-50lbs.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!