Dear Max & Jake,
This month started out with me in the ER having an emergency appendectomy. Man was that out of left field. I woke up on Monday at like 5am with a cramping pain in my abdomen on the lower right side. It wasn’t excruciating, but I couldn’t completely straighten up. It was strange, but I just went back to bed in the fetal position and just laid there thinking it would go away. Around 8am I called Nona to tell her about my pain and ask her what she thought I should do. She immediately thought it could be my appendix and came over to get the boys. I had pain medicine but didn’t really think it was bad enough to take any so I just got my heating pad and curled up. Before taking the boys we decided I should go to the ER to get it checked out in case it was my appendix. Since she had my boys she just dropped me off and I reassured her that I would get ahold of Cale and get him to meet me at the hospital. I called him for an hour before he ever got the message and finally met me in my little ER room. After a CAT scan the news came back, appendicitis. I admit, I completely lost it. I could not believe I was having yet another surgery, especially since I wasn’t even over the last one. The ironic thing is that I had seen a surgeon the day before about having a procedure done to fix my severe acid reflux. The only reason I was considering that is because we hit our “out of pocket max” on our insurance and it would be free. Needless to say, after having my appendix out I was DONE with having surgeries. DONE. NO MORE. I have to say that my surgery went well and aside from the feeling of something trying to come out of my belly button, which is where they had to make the biggest incision to take out my appendix (it was laparoscopic and 3 incisions were made), the pain wasn’t bad. More than anything I didn’t want to throw up after surgery, which I always do. I asked for anti-nausea medicine and no IV pain killers and that did the trick because I never threw up. The worst thing was staying in the hospital over night. It was the longest night ever. I had loud crazy people in the rooms next to me and I couldn’t sleep and was dealing with post-surgery pain. All I wanted to do was go home. The recovery was so quick, unlike my back surgery, and I was thankful for that. I did have one post-surgery problem. Since they pumped me so full of antibiotics (they said my appendix was on the verge of bursting and was very bad and that I caught it just in time) it killed off all the good bacteria in my colon. Every time I ate I got sick. Not fun. The good news was that I kind of stopped eating and lost weight. Since I had my back surgery I have lost 20 pounds, so that’s a bonus. I also didn’t have to pay anything for my surgery, another bonus. Alas, life goes on.
It’s been a turning point this month for me. I’ve been in a funk for months. I’m not going to delve into it completely but for the first time in months I’ve started feeling “normal”again. I’ve had a few great nights of sleep, which is rare for me, and my back has felt half-way decent. I even played some volleyball, perhaps not to full capacity, but still, it was fun and more importantly, I tolerated it. That gave me hope that someday, hopefully soon, I will be back to playing competitively with my team. I didn’t realize how much I really miss it. But enough about me, this letter is about YOU.
It’s amazing how different you both are, but how well you compliment each other. It is the sweetest thing ever to see Jake sitting in Max’s lap watching TV. Max is such a little mama to Jake and he really takes care of him. Sure, there is fighting, but it doesn’t last long and you guys usually work it out yourself. I try not to get involved because I think it’s important for you to learn how to work through disagreements and compromise. It’s funny because now that Jake can articulate his feelings and recall events Max doesn’t really know what to do. Max has always told on Jake, but now Jake can tell on Max, so he can’t get away with as much. The interactions between the two of you are pretty funny, even though sometimes you fight about the dumbest things, you love each other and miss each other when Max is in school.
Since Max is in school Tuesdays and Thursdays, we’ve been picking up Emily and Oliver and hanging out with them. It’s hilarious how Oliver and Jake fight like brothers. They are always taking things away from each other and wanting one another’s toys, but they also have a lot of fun playing together. One day I picked Oliver up to take him to the park with us so that Emily could have some time alone to get stuff done. We packed a lunch and fed the ducks and had a great time. I had my double stroller and got in a good walk too, I’ve been trying to walk fairly regularly.
Jake, you are such a mischief maker. You are so different than Max was at your age and it’s like parenting for the first time again because what worked with Max doesn’t work for you. I guess that’s how parenting is. You are always on your toes and just when you think you have things figured out you are thrown a curve ball. I admit that sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and I need all the help I can get. I call Nona A LOT and ask her for advice as to what I should do. It can be very frustrating at times, and there are moments when I have to ask your daddy to deal with you (and vice versa). Despite being overwhelmed, you are just so cute and I can’t help but love and kiss on you. The good thing is, we are determined to impose our will on you and make you obey. We WILL win the battle and do whatever it takes. It’s our duty to train you in the way you should go, and this is the most important job we will ever have. We cannot fail, your soul is at staked, and so is ours.
I love you both enough to discipline you because I want you to have a good life and I want us all to live eternally in Heaven. It might seem harsh at times, but you have to learn that you don’t always get what you want. Distracting you with something else and never telling you “no” doesn’t teach you how the world works and I’m not doing you any favors by doing that. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a mom and I’m trying my best to learn from them and be a better parent, I’m all in and I will persever.
Love,
Mama
